This is more a confesion, a self-purgatory note to myself rather than a blog post.Something that will heal my feelings of loss and abandonment.Quite recently I've had to let go of people I loved and held dear in my heart like treasures.Of course, I'm not the only one this happens to.Every person's life abounds with such occasions which are somewhat less than joyous.People walk in and out of our lives, a continuous coming and going of faces, experiences and feelings that run deep.A while you are blessed with their presence, the joy, laughter, unity.Life can be quite a bitch sometimes though.At some point separation comes into play.And wham!-with a strike that resembles a slap across the face, you awaken to find them gone and feeling utterly alone.
I've often pondered of this energy that is released when people finally separate-whether it is a friendship, a love affair or family.The stronger the bond the more powerfully that energy is released.It is all powerful,all consuming and most importantly it cuts like a double-edged knife.It is dual in nature.Its energy can go either way.Either you internalise it with all that entails-sadness,feeling abandoned and alone in the world,pessimism and at its most extreme-anger,depression, self-loathing , hate and self-destructive tendencies.
I was well on the way to self-loathing anger the past few months.I knew what was going on with me.I couldn't stop it.You know what they say about long walks? Well,while walking last night,I finally realised.The power of this energy, of being forced to let go, doesn't have to lead to self-hate.It can literally propel you to unfathomable heights of success,creativity,trigger unlimited sources of strength within,originality and enlightenment.In the history of mankind many a success story was born because of some separation or disappointment,sorrow or a lost love.A prominent example I just recently read about was that of Abraham Lincoln,whose genius and potentiality awoke from the feelings of sorrow and love for the one and only woman of his life,Anne Rutledge.
So,I'm thinking that maybe some people are supposed to come into our lives but not to stay there. Like a big chessboard where the pieces have to be strtegically positioned for the game to reach its climax, for a winner to be appointed,the people move strategically in and out of our lives.Will the black or the white pieces win? Dark or light?Will we continue grieving for our losses, wallowing in despair and self-deprecation,self-pity or will we use this grief, the love we had for these people into creation,positive energy,contribution,light,love?
I finally embraced this truth,though it must be said,rather reluctantly.It was not the result of a logical thought process.It was not something I read and came to accept.It was a realisation that arose from the depths of my being.If people have to go, let them go.Do it lovingly, with a smile and a kiss.Remember the good times.Release you and them from the negative energies, so you may both flourish.Naturally the feeling of loss and melancholy will always be there,ready to re-emerge.Infuse it with love and light.It will shine out of your being and into the world.That's what it all boils down to.To be light.Love.Forgive.Go on.Use this energy-transmute it into something positive to illuminate the people and the world around you.
Of course all that is theory until it is put into practice with teeth-gritting perseverance and many occasions of relapsing into negativity.I know, because I'm still in this phase. I keep at it though. I have to move on. I have to.It's not going to be easy but in the end,nothing worthwhile ever is.
With love and light for all.
Have a fantastic day!
I am a passionate English teacher.Aspiring writer and speaker.I take educational matters to heart and hope to bring about some positive change in the field of education.