Negativity, stress and being too hard on ourselves and our bodies,with all its possible ramifications is a well-known subject nowadays.It's considered perfectly normal to be negative and stressed out.In fact, I 've come to believe,much to my astonishment, that a large majority of people actually take pride in the fact that they are stressed.Wearing it like a badge of honor,flashing it and relishing their rants of complaint where they narrate the many reasons to justify their state,which is taking its toll on their body and mind.Like it's some sort of perverse contest. But hey,if everyone is stressed out and negative,if I have more to complain about I'm better,right?
It would be an oversight on my part not to mention that there is,to some extent, good reason for us to feel that way.The world which we have created is feeding off negativity and fear.So,it encourages it and gives all the more reason to continue feeling negative.Too many bills and not enough money is one of the major reasons for stress,fear and uncertainty. If you don't look like a Victoria's Secret model,then your body is not up to par and thus it is subject to all possible forms of body shaming. You don't have enough money,you're not prestigious,your country might be attacked by terrorists,the world will come to an end.....there is a huge variety of potential threats,imagined or real that can be used to make us remain in this web of negativity.The mass media has become really adept at using this very handy tool to keep us that way to serve its own agenda no doubt. Oftentimes,stress and negativity can be sourced back to one's family and the conditions they had to endure.An abused child will most definitely be much more negative in its outlook.A child that was neglected will certainly feel it's never going to be enough and continue playing this role well into its adult life as well.A child that grew up in poor conditions will feel stressed out and negative about money,possibly for the rest of its life.Many are the reasons in one's life that can trigger such a hideous predisposition. I can only relate too well with both parameters of stress and negativity mentioned before.The family conditions I grew up in were far from perfect,though there were always the best of intentions.But you know what they say....the road to hell is paved with all these"good" intentions.I really wouldn't want to go too deep into my family's wretched story.Suffice it to say that as a child I witnessed fights of monstrous proportions,daily bickering over trivial as well as significant matters and endless amounts of stress and guilt.That's my life pretty much up to 25 years old.As I started becoming more independent and living as an adult,naturally all those feelings reared their very ugly heads all too often.That's when the societal pressures kicked in big time, to look a certain way,dress and behave like this or that celebrity,become rich by somebody else's standards......you name it. Till today.I'm not proud to say this.I am the one that will encourage others to feel more positive,giving them ways to do so.If I were to describe myself I would say that I am a positive person,with a bright disposition,but with a very nasty streak of negativity,stress and anger.Sometimes I feel bipolar.Thank God,I know for a fact I am not. About 5 years ago,following the aftermath of my father's death and all the guilt and grief,I decided that I needed to figure a way to shift my mentality.A way to cope with all the baggage of my life and my current circumstances.I found yoga to be soothing and uplifting.Meditation followed,which I presently do daily,at least once a day.It helps me keep my mind focused and serene,more able to see through the crap and get a hold on my life.A series of diets followed.Today,having become a vegan,which I consider one of the most important decisions I made and working out six days a week,I feel I FINALLY have a better grip on my life and where I'm headed.I do stress occasionally,I get negative from time to time(with really nasty consequences) but it's a pattern I've learnt to discern and endeavor to fight off consciously.My ambition is to fully eradicate this plague from my life completely one day.May be I will not become a Zen monk,but a happy peaceful,guiltless,stress-free life would be enough for me. Concluding,I would like to give 5 reasons why you should attempt to get rid of all the negativity and stress from your life.The Internet is awash in such lists so,doubtlessly,you're not unfamiliar with this topic.This is my list,coming from lessons my own life taught me.I would not presume to impose anything on anybody.But if something I've been through and learnt from can help somebody in the slightest,that would be tremendous.So, here goes. 1.Negativity and stress feed off you.Like parasites.That results in various allergies,weight gain,and more serious diseases,like cancer,heart attacks and others.It trashes your immune system so your body is too weak to fight off any illness.It becomes much more vulnerable and unwilling to fight for your well-being. My skin is usually the recipient of such negativity attacks,exploding in various rashes and allergies.It often becomes Itchy and intolerant to almost everything.Not something I would wish on anyone,friend or foe.Headaches,stomach aches, low blood pressure panic attacks, you name it.Been there,more times than I can count. 2.Stress has been proven to trigger obsesity.When cortisol levels rise in the body,it sets off the process of weight gain.I vividly remember that the most stressful periods in my life were also marked with a significant weight gain.Of course, I should mention that it was a blissful period of gobbling down everythhing I could get my hands on.I would justify it to myself,saying "I.'m hungry,OK?When I am sad and stressed I eat." So, my body having been granted permission,started expanding exponentially.To monstrous dimensions.One day, I looked in the mirror and was appalled and disgusted.Excuses,excuses.....I've learnt to recognise and control this pattern by now.When I feel stressed or more negative than allowed I resort to yoga,meditation or just mindful breathing.I've found that music and reading also soothe such negativitiy atacks. 3.It seriously affects your performance in your daily duties.Be it at home or at work.I've found that when I allowed myself to wallow in such bouts of stress,my home would be a battle field,much to my husband's dismay.My teaching became bland,without love or enthusiasm.It's not like me to hate teaching.But in those moments of stress,negativity and utter self-pity,I did.My students sensed it of course.Their grades dropped and I did not manage to have high passing rates in the exams.I 've always prided myself on being able to connect to my students.Never have I felt so disconnected from myself or my students and the job I love so much as in those moments.Not something to be proud of.But it's taught me that I should never let it under my skin like that again. 4.Your relationships with others suffer.Big time.Disconnect,loathing,fighting.....been there,done it.Again,I'm not proud admitting this. I've hurt people I love.My daughter...my husband.My friends.Colleagues.MY family..Seeing what it can do to me, I attempt to distance myself in moments of stress and focus on battling the reason behind my negativity rather than lashing out on anyone who is unlucky enough to be at the receiving end of my anger. Lots of relationships can be saved in this way.Not having to carry the load of guilt that ensues is a definite plus. 5.Self-hate.A lot of it.In reality,this is the final step,what it all comes down to after you've done all the above.After successfully having dealt an effective blow to yor body's immune system,gained weight and you feel ugly and old,after your energy drops to unfathomable depths and your performance and relationships start to suffer,then self-hate kicks in.Thus initiating a vicious cycle of wallowing even deeper in self pity,eating more,gaining weight,perhaps drinking or other substances.People in your life don't understand you and you get isolated.Not a very pleasant situation,is it?Been there.It's a lonely,dark place.I don't ever want to revisit it.So far,for the past six months I've been successful.And I plan to keep it that way. So,that was the big lesson today.A post that wasn't meant to be this long,but I got carried away again.Hope you will be able to find value in this somehow.Have a beautiful,positive day! Lia
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I am by nature a very sentimental person.To a point of fault.It has cost me dearly many times over.But it seems I just won't learn.At 43 I am as sentimental as ever and then some.You wonder why I am rambling and I don't really blame you.Many times my sentimentality has shone through but there is one I'd like to share and one that I am quite positive many will relate to. Last night, as I was about to call it a night and take to my bed,I heard my daughter's voice calling for me.She must be thirsty,I thought,so I walked over to her with a glass of cool water.She drank it thirstily.Instead of turning around to fall right back asleep though, this time she pulled me to her with her little arms and held me to her chest.Initially I felt surprise.But as I lay there,my ear pressed against her chest,listening to her heart beating in the still of the night,it felt like the most natural thing to do.We lay there for an eternity it seems,just holding each other.I could feel her rhythmic breath,the warmth of her skin.For any mother,myself included,that is heaven.The moment when you truly feel the divine being present.I felt overwhelming joy,love,love for everyone on the planet.I felt loved myself,not only by this little human I get to call my child and which I was blessed to bring to this Earth, but by God as well. Later,when she was asleep once again with that little mischievous smile on her face,and I had retired to bed myself,various thoughts started playing around in my head.So here I am,sharing them with you.Many of you will believe that I am just overreacting.I'll attempt to relate to you those thoughts,hoping you will find common ground with them. As humans, during our brief stay on the planet our actions and thought are mainly driven by one basic need:the need to be loved and accepted unconditionally.Our other quest is to seek out the Divine,God,Allah,the Tao,the Universe,Mother Nature or however else we choose to call this omnipresent force that drives all and unite with it.These are our basic needs or quests and no matter what we end up doing in our lives,this is what truly keeps us going.As I see it,the void we oftentimes feel in our hearts,in our very soul is the absence of love,the absence of feeling united with our soul,of being united with the Divine. We are taught at school that we should attend church and listen to endless sermons,not sin,read the Bible and various other rules that I have discarded a long time ago.I did try.I read the Bible.I did not find God there.I did go to Church,no matter how much it bored me and angered me by the hypocrisy of the golden-clad priests telling us to exercise self-restraint in everything,to fast and what not. If God is somewhere he is not in a building.Why should he limit Himself/Herself so?So, I read extensively.I educated myself on the principles of various religions,dogmas and heresies.There were many examples of enlightened people there.But let's face it,not all of us who came on this planet are here to become enlightened,gurus,priests,spiritual leaders.We are here to experience love,learn to give as well as to receive it. In my limited time here on this planet,I have not witnessed the Divine often.But I did feel it in some very painful moments of my life,supporting me.I felt it when my daughter was born,oh so strong.I felt it while teaching,flowing through me and inspiring me.I see it in eyes of my students.I felt it last night when my daughter hugged me,half-asleep.It was the most powerful feeling or Divinity I felt.Just a hug,we say.Is it,really?Or is it a means, a conduit for love or the Divine to flow more freely? Many will say it's the oxytocin that was released from the hug that made me feel so elevated.I can assure you, it was not.I am old enough to know the difference.I have been hugged many times.Not many times did I feel so uplifted,so full of overwhelming love,like a warm wave of air coursing through me.I can't really describe it,words don't do it justice. And somehow,I don;t think that's the point.I just wanted to convey that what we are looking for so frantically on the outside,from various enlightened people,from teachings of others,from holy places and temples,is not that far away from us.I do not mean to understimate the significance of the above nor do I wish to disregard them completely.I just meant to say that it is and has always been closer to home.Look around you.The warm smile of a neighbour.A helping gesture from a stranger.A kind word from a shop assistant.The expectancy and curiosity on a child's face.A warm,loving hug.Meditation.Whatever you are looking for is not far away.It's within you already.It's that little voice whispering,urging you on or preventing you from an action.The Divine is in you,in everything you do. For me this was a very personal experience and one I was not really sure whether I should share or not.I feeI really vulnerable putting myself out there like this.I felt the need though.To speak my mind,to tell of my feelings.I know many of you will be able to associate with my story.The power of a child's hug,the love it holds,The fact that you can feel the Divine in your everyday life,every single smile,touch,action is an expression of it.All we have to do is to let it flow freely and unhindered through us.Do go to church if you feel the need.There's nothing wrong with it.Listen to sermons and read the Bible if that feels right to you.It's your expression,your way of connecting.Just,from time to time,allow yourself to look for the small signs in your daily life.Look inside,You won't fail to see it if your heart is open and willing. I do hope my little confession will not insult anyone,as it certainly was not written with that intent.I write,inspired by every day experiences.It's no secret I adore this little tornado that came through me to beautify and rock my world.All of you who are parents will certainly nod their heads in understanding.But feeling the Divine is not a privilege for the few enlightened as they had us believe for centuries.Like I said before,it is there,in you.Around you.It is in everything.Be open and you shall receive.Simple as thatAs simple as breathing. As always, With love and light, Lia
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August 2021
CategoriesAuthorI am a passionate English teacher.Aspiring writer and speaker.I take educational matters to heart and hope to bring about some positive change in the field of education. |