Recollection of the Past - oil painting by Leonid Afremov The credit for today's post goes entirely to my wayward brain. During the leisurely moments of the holidays it -excessively frequently I might add - led me down to the lanes of my past, bringing up many memories, and not all happy ones. It was an unsettling process, one that meddled with the serenity I was intent on finding during the summer, not to mention my sanity. God only knows that all of us have moments (or even huge chunks) in our past we are not particularly proud of. How could you have been so neglectful toward your siblings? How could you have been so cruel towards your child? Why did you behave so cold and insensitively towards those you called friends and loved ones? Why did you hurt the people who loved you? Why did you betray your dreams by being lazy? How could you cheat and lie so easily?How could you go against every value you professed to champion? I could go on and on and no doubt all of you can relate to these one way or another and need no particular prompting to recall. It's as if it all happened only yesterday, isn't it? Truth be told, I'm still horrified at all these things I've done. I tried to put them in a drawer, deeply closeted in the darkest parts of my being. The problem with this practice is that it's not not only cowardly but it means also I've been so arrogant as to believe that the past can be buried peacefully. It won't. It will rise to the surface kicking and screaming till you finally decide to grant it closure. How to do that? After a lot of discussions and inner recollection, I realised I can't ignore that part of my life as if it never happened, because it did. It is some sort of comfort I suppose that it's not just me who is a flawed, frail human being, prone to mistakes or has deep, dark secrets. I tried to acknowledge that in each circumstance I had done the best I could, at least with the mindset and messed up emotions at that time. I understood I had to forgive the person I was, which for me is the hardest thing to do. I am still working on loving and sympathising with the younger versions of myself. Meditating and journalling. Crying. Laughing. I have high hopes I will get there - eventually. I must if I am ever to grow into a person I can actually be proud of. That higher version of me will be able to deal with the past more ably. Embrace it - and then let it go. On a final note, I came across a poem by Charlotte Bronte that sums it up perfectly. It made me smile. I suppose there is hope yet. Tell me, tell me smiling child
What the past is like to thee? An Autumn evening soft and mild With a wind that sighs mournfully. Tell me, what is the present hour? A green and flowery spray Where a young bird sits gathering its power To mount and fly away. And what is the future, happy one? A sea beneath a cloudless sun; A mighty, glorious, dazzling sea Stretching into infinity, Past, Present, Future - Emily Bronte
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August 2021
CategoriesAuthorI am a passionate English teacher.Aspiring writer and speaker.I take educational matters to heart and hope to bring about some positive change in the field of education. |