Today is not much different.Or actually,it is...a bit.In the stupor of my self-pity and nothingness,I brought myself to sit down at my computer.After a few moments,my fingers touched the keys.They felt familiar,welcoming.So,right now the words that are being printed are whatever flows from my mind,onto the screen.An attempt to hold myself accountable.To keep myself true to my dreams,which I had promised not to betray,no matter what it demanded of me.To hold on to it,to bring it to life.If I betray my dream,I betray myself,my very soul.The death of a dream hurts infinitely.To one's core.Its scars remain inside,emerging from time to time,demanding our attention,causing regret and sadness for their untimely demise,until we die and leave this world without having fulfilled our purpose.
I keep telling my students that to possess a talent does not necessarily entail that this will automatically lead to success.I tell them that any talent requires hard work,honing,persistence,sweat and blood.A talent,a dream, is part of who you are and lives within you, it feeds off your essence.To bring it forth and perfect it, is a task for the ones who persist,not the faint of heart.By this,I do not mean to say that we are not allowed moments of weakness.It is inherent in our human nature.It is, however,our duty to rise,again and again.It is a sign of strength to get up.The weak will remain at the bottom,within the comfortable limits of their ego that tells me them it's OK not to do anything,that it's perfectly fine if they don't struggle for a dream.It's acceptable to listen to the nay-sayers that keep telling you that you are crazy for wanting to change the world,in whatever way,even the smallest one.
I am considered to be rather pigheaded by my friends and family....so,I will practice what I preach and walk my talk. I cannot allow myself to be a teacher that teaches big ideas but adheres to none.I will not make any pompous speech here.I will simply do what my dream requires of me.I cannot change the world,I am not some saviour. Far from it.But I will make sure my dream lives in me daily and do whatever it takes to keep it alive.As I have quite a big ego,that will be a battle of epic proportions.I am willing to keep the battle raging and prevail.
To rekindle one's faith is like rekindling a fire.Slowly at first,but eventually it rages and flies sky high.To rekindle your faith, it's necessary to remind yourself of your self-worth,of your dream.Work on it,day by day.Don't let it die alive.It might take a long time and you are sure to bleed.Don't be afraid.A Iittle blood and a few wounds are just a reminder that you are alive,passionate.A warrior of life.Your dreams are worth every sacrifice you make.So if you are feeling disappointed and you have given your ego free reign,do something about it.Fight like hell.Surely you don't want to become bitter in your old age.Live your life.Live your dreams.You can always be practical and mind the rules society has set for us....but up to a point.Don't let any exterior situations discourage you or dictate how you should live your life.Don't let them lure you in the comfort of laziness.It's not ok,however much they tell you it is.Pursue,fight,never give up.Fall down,cry,wallow in self-pity,curse whoever and whatever you want....but after all that,get up and continue with your work.Walk in the direction your dream dictates.Be a warrior.Dare to live life your way.
A song from my twenties......melancholic,angry but profound.A favourite of mine back then as I recall.
With love and light,