The year had gone by without my realising what havoc I had wreaked on my body and soul.On the first day of my holidays,the first day I was actually free to rest, to look after myself,it hit me like a tsunami.My body heavier than it should be, mentality of a 70- year- old,I was someone who had given up on life and its joys.I hardly smiled the past year, and I have difficulty doing so even now. It took me a further week to fully comprehend the consequences.And a couple more days to say to myself:"Enough already!Pick yourself up and live.The past is the past.Life is rushing ahead and you're letting it slip through your fingers."And so I did.It's been a full week or so that I started working out, taking care of my nutrition,meditating,and I hope to eventually forgive myself.For hating who I was.For believing I was not good enough.For trying to find approval and understanding and love outside myself.I had read it, but never really grasped it.Self-love, self-forgiveness, self-respect start from within.It's an inside job.No one can value me if I don't value, love, respect myself.So, it is something I will stop doing from now on.Like Eleanor Roosevelt said:"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".So true.Time to stop giving my power away.Time to empower myself, at last.
I will need to stop giving so much of myself.It just drains you of your energy and leaves you feeling replete and alone.I must learn to set limits.It's time to heal the wounds and forgive myself for my mistakes and misplaced trust in people.I will have to put myself first and take care of my body and soul, by doing the things I love and taking some valuable time for me.Recognise my strengths and enhance them, unleash my creativity and show understanding for my weaknesses.Love and honour myself for having come this far, scarred but victorious.So ,I am most definitely back.I will not allow anyone or anything to get me to a point of self-loathing again.I have risen above the negativity and I am working towards improving myself.Maybe sometime soon I will be able to smile again-genuinely.I need to contribute and give of myself to the people I love and the people I don't know but whose lives I hope to touch in some way.There's much to be done in the world.But since we cannot change the world single-handedly, we can try to change ourselves for the better and all together we can bring about the change that needs to come. In our family lives, our education, society as a whole.So much pain and hardships have infested our beautiful blue planet.If we are to heal Mother Earth we must heal ourselves first.It's time.
P.S.I will need to express my sincere gratitude to my new friend Cara for her encouragement and belief in me.Thank you Cara,may God shower you and your family with blessings!
When it comes to self-love,Whitney says it so much better than me....Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all...
This ancient unseen stream
A shudder before the beautiful
One of my recent favorites from my beloved Nightwish......apart from respecting ourselves, we should also do the same for our planet.Just a musical reminder that we should show Mother Earth some love and feel awe once again for her wonders,wisdom and beauty.For the very core of life for us voyagers on this blue galactic gem is the soaring high of truth and light, to quote the songwriter.Hope you enjoy it!
I will need to end my post here.It was rather confessional today, but it was something I needed to get out of me.Nearing depression is not pleasant and the individual has to learn to love and accept himself all over again and eventually get out of his own way in order to contribute his gifts to his loved ones and the world.Thank God it did not get to the point of no return for me.I realise now what the symptoms are and what triggers it.Knowledge is power.I will not allow anyone to get me there again, not even myself, not for any reason.Stay strong and resilient,believe in yourself and your potential.That's what I would say to myself and anyone who starts beating himself up after a hardship.Tomorrow is another day.Pick yourself up and continue with your journey.You owe it to yourself.It is a matter of dignity.
With love and light to all,